We were so poor, but we always took in needy people, like our friend Rabbi Moskovitz, from the country Poland, not the insurance company. Ya see, the other rabbis wouldn’t give Rabbi M. his own church. They said he couldn’t speak American good. But, we knew they just didn’t like him. Said he was related to some guy named Frisco they didn’t like out West. So, he lived with us for years. But, we could understand why they was concerned ‘caus Rabbi Moskovitz used to pray with a little box on his head , and a ladies shawl ‘round him as he rocked back and forth. So, we called him the first Rock and Roll Rabbi. We came to love the little guy, but he liked “Da Vhite Lightnink” too much. “So, buts dat’s unuther story.” as Rabbi M would say. More about him later.
We were poor, but we loved poor Rabbi Moskovitz livin’ with us. He could be really funny. One night he snuck a jug of “vhite lightnink” and got so crazy, he got on our horse and said he was goin to Iraq to punish (can’t use the real language) Sodom Insane and his sister Gemorah for what they said against the Jews. We had to tie him up for three days till he came to his senses.
We were so poor, but poor Rabbi Moskovitz lived with us. But with his accent we couldn’t figure his first name. He kept saying, “Mein name is Chaim Moeshe Moskovitz.” Which we thought meant “My name is: I am Moses Moskovitz.” So we just called him Rabbi M., and told ‘em every time the town’s police stopped him (which was daily) jus ta say “Chaim , Not Guilty.” Caus he kinda stood out in the crowd.
We were poor but we was interested in theology, and asked Rabbi Moskovitz how it felt to be Jewish. He replied, “Just like all the rest of jous. Ve ist all da brothers and sisters- all the Jewish. Because-it, wasn’t not the Adam and the Eve Jewish?” What a genius the guy was.
We're poor, but our beloved Rabbi Moskovitz loves our two sons. He says, "Des kitts are two gut Goyes!'' We keep tellin him it's Boys not that other word.But, you knw Rabbi M...........
"Now, our beloved Rabbi M .says 'You donnut believe-it me, then vhy do ve help Israel zo much? An, Lincoln vas also a Jewish Guy. Tink bout it, where does the name 'ABRAHAM' come from? It is the simple, your vone of the lost tribes of Israel.' Besides vere all Jewish, Adam and Eve-it was Jewish.Go Figure. But what is he's right? YA KNOW HE WAS EDCATED AT THE VERSITY OF KRACOW." "The poor peoples"
We're poor, but were tolerant. Like our Rabbi M is not a Publican. He doesn't like our beloved charming President Bush. Rabbi M says "'Dat 'W'' in the kid Bushes Name means: ''Wrongvay." We told him not to tell anyone else, caus ,you know, everybody these days is suspected of bein a terrorist, especially if your foreign.
We are poor, but we can translate our live-in Rabbi Moskovitz's words, "My PEANUTS it's a kill-link me." Meant, he had a urinary infection, which he self-medicated pourin vhite lightnink on it. Thank Jesus we got him to the Doctor on time.
We are poor and we love our permanent live-in Rabbi Moskovitz, but his insistence Kentucky was founded by Polish-Ukrainian Jews in 1244 AD, means he's drinkin white lightnin again. He says "Vhy vould I lie-it? It was originally named-it Kentusky." And, he still insists Jesus was Jewish.
We were poor but our beloved Rabbi Moskovitz had sideburns which made ElvisÂ’s look like smudges on sides of his face.
We are poor, but Rabbi Moskovitz says Kid Konservative Tucker Carlson’s first name is a nickname ‘caus he still has his mommy tuck him in at night. The jolly Rabbi chuckles, “I guess he getin’ the tuckered out? So, vhy vould I lie???
We are poor and we love Rabbi Moskovitz livinÂ’ with us, but he tried to tell us that Larry King and Comedian Alan King were Jewish. Not true. That would mean that Martin Luther King, "Don" King and Rodney King were Jewish. We gotta keep him away from the white lightning.
We're Poor................''
We were so poor, we had to ask Sir Alan Greenspam for a food loan.. Now, that’s poor. Yeah, this guy’s a”Mench.” He only charged us 1%--- that’s One percent interest. Yeah, that’s 1% interest a MINUTE!!! SO, THIS GUY COULD TEACH THE MAFIA AND THE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES A THING OR TWO. When we thanked him he said dont menchion it. (I’m just kiddin’ Al.) (Hey, I was gonna call ya GreenSPAM, but I didn’t)
We were so poor, the “locals” wouldn’t let us make white lightnin’ ‘caus we was Jewish, they forced us to make ‘BEER”, then started mockin’ us as a “bunch of HE-BREWS.” ‘Sides Jews don’t drink beer, we drinks that MORGAN DAVIDS. So, we sent them pots of borscht (red beet soup) for Christmas dinner, then told ‘em it was made from human blood. They was pukin and pukin.’ So, then we mocked them, “Don’t mess with us Jewish G’ice, you “bunch of the cannonballs.” Our cousin Meyer in ‘da Florida gots the bigguest kicks out of dat story. But, he never did tell us why he was hangink’ ‘round with all doz Italian guys. “Meyer,” we’d say, “You’re not a catholic, you’re Jewish.”
We were so poor, but we took a vaction every summer at da national park named for our Jewish brothers and sisters--- ”Yo!” Semite!”
More on our beloved live-in Rabbi Moskovitz, Sides MAMA SAID, "That Rabbit Moskovitz is the only smart guy here, He want to know when dem publicans are gonna make us rich republicans.Do you gotta apply somewhere or what, Maybe Loretta Lynn knows, my father was a coaslminer like hers."...see p6.
"Our beloved Rabbi Moskovitz now insists that if the Warner Brothers were Jewish Guyz, then George Vashington must be Jewish, caus his Grandmutter was Mildred Warner, and Our Founding Father was born at Warner Hall Wirginia. Go Figure."
We're poor, but we don't mind our Rabbi Moskovitz watchin May West Movies all day on that VCR. He's got a contagious laughter. His belly bounces up and down like Santa. Which makes us all happy. His new jokes are: ''Ist dat the pocket in your rocket, or are you just happiness to see-it me? ''Hey, guyz, vhy don't you come-it down to see-it me the sometimes? ''
We're poor, but sometimes were right. Like Rabbi M thought the WB Network was the Wolf Blitzer Network. He insisted saying, ''Hey, day made-it a movie bout that Jewish guy ''Dancing with Wolf'. It was only when we explained WB stood for the Warner Brothers Network, and they were Jewish Ukrainian-Polish guyz like him that he relented,'' Ãn dat case it's alright then. But what kindda a Jew would be named a Warner???'''
We are poor, but we entertain ourselves tellin’ stories, like our Rabbi Moskovitz told us about, what we think was his UFO encounter. He said “Vhen I cames into the New Jork City harbor on my the boat from Warsaw, the Poland not the insurance company, I lookkid up and what do I see in das skys but des skyz-CRAPPERS. They way very high and had lights on ‘en vers you could see beings inside.
We were so poor, but we learned wisdom. We had a good friend Rabbi Moskovitz, from Warsaw Poland, not the insurance company, who’d say, “It’sa always da better to kill’ it two stones with one bird.”
We were so poor, but we couldn’t let Rabbi Moskovitz drink no white lightnin, ‘caus he’d go crazy sayin’ “Dos Ukaranian Cossacks were gonna get ‘em.” He kept on sayin’” It’s da progroam, the progroam.” So we kept changin’ the TV channel to a new show, but that didn’t help.
We were so poor we believed our national flower was some Israeli weed called Mary Jewwanna. Lest thatÂ’s what these long-hairsed kids told us in the 70s. Mary Jewwanna sounds more like a question than a flower.
Another Quick Aside: Remember, Larry Kudlow[ski] is >>>>>>> "Lawrence of 'U'KRAI'NA!" [Just kidding LARRY. A little humor is good for the soul."] The Satirist P.S. Is it true? "Mr. Candid" Barney Frank is your vice-presidential runningmate?
"Der vill be new noose comink here, later then the sooner. For da old neoose; seeking other pages. Havink a nice days in the U. S. A.!" Rabbi Moe
ANOTHER VARNINK TO CAFFERTYNSKY Mama's she's dancink like The Hippo in the BALLERINA SHOES - again. Meanink only the wun think. It's the time for SPRING and she ist in love. Vatch it! Mama vill beink lookink for dat SITUATION WROMB - vhere ever dat ist.
VARNINK FROM RABBI MOE "Be vatchink out, Uncle Baba gottink dat "March The Craziness" again. Bout em Baskets with the balls. Somethink bout get G'Town, Go Nova. I not knowink vhat dis meanink. But, if its like the last jear, we could be in for the B-Ball bad thinks. Vhat means G'Town? Who is this Nova Guy? Vhy do bunchink of men want to goink to THE DANCE together? Vhat they mean by THE FINAL FOUR? Soundink very serious stuffing? Jes, and vhere is dat Philie place? Ist dat ver they keepink dem female horses for March-it? Someone, please, be helpink me the understanding." Jour Frieude The Rabbi The Moe
P.S. Uncle Baba locked himself in the still again vith all the vhite lightenink - since dat Go Nova did not go but Stopped.
[More noose later fur meine Mench the Woof Blitzer. Woof, I askink everybuddy, zo vhat the situation? They not tellink me the secrets. Woof, I doink somethink wong-it? Tell me! Jour Mench, The Rabbi The Moe
Always Rememberink. Vhat ist goink down vill always beink comink the up!
RABBI MOE IMPERSONATES
HIS FAVORITE MUSICIAN
LAWRENCE VELK
Rabbi Moe: "Hey. Jou guyz rememberink dat song-it. Like-it dis, "' Comink on. Everybody singink! nOW THE VON, AND DA TWO AND DA TREE! Hey, jou Speedy Gonzales jou better beink comink the home. I gots the cooking in dat table and things are gettink the hot.'"
