GREEDISM
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    Yuppie1
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RULE #49:
RULE # 49: VERY IMPORTANT:

If you must marry, always marry a fellow Yuppie! Never marry beneath your station in life. Make sure your intended spouse has equal (or hopefully better) education, professional status, and “INCOME” as compared to yours!!! The artful Yuppie never” gets snookered” into supporting anyone else. Remember... To a successful Yuppie, life is not a two-way street, but rather a one-way street with traffic going only in his direction! If your foolishly going to walk the perilous road of marriage, you might as well” use it” to your best advantage. Make sure it enhances your financial position costing as little as possible!

HINT #1: #: Get your “intended” to pay half the wedding costs. If they want to get married that bad, they deserve to” pay”!

RULE #50:
RULE # 50 :
A CARDINAL RULE : Never, but never, marry until the prenuptial agreement is signed, and notarized! Otherwise, your spouse can get their hands on your money, possessions and property earned before the marriage. You could lose everything you have! HINT #1: #1= After marriage never mingle your funds with your spouse’s. Always keep separate bank accounts! Why? Because Yuppie “meaningful relationships” soon turn sour and bitter. When the divorce comes, your spouse, in a moment of venomous retribution, may withdraw all your accumulated wealth. Remember... How can you “HAVE IT ALL”, if you’re left holding the empty bag?

HINT #2: #2: Never get caught committing adultery! That makes you “the bad guy” in the divorce litigation. The court will punish you with massive alimony payments when your spouse starts sobbing as” the wounded party”. He who plays always!

RULE #51:
RULE # 51:
ANOTHER CARDINAL RULE: Never have “CHILDREN” unless your spouse “absolutely insists” upon it! !!If you have children, your spouse won’t have time “to spoil” you! Besides, raising children these’ days costs “BIG MONEY”. It takes two Yuppie incomes to maintain a married Yuppie lifestyle. Pregnancy will take your wife out of the job market leaving you without her income! “Three” can’t live as cheaply as two. Furthermore, children interfere with a Yuppie’s career and social life. They steal your time, and “Time is money!”.

RULE #52:
RULE # 52: If you must have children, then have as few as possible like only one! The more children, the more the cost. The more the cost, the more your losses in investment income.

HINT #1: #1: Always breed your children to be “Yuppie Puppies”. A” Yuppie Puppies” is a kid with your exact set of values. In other words, make sure the kid knows “the value of a buck”. You know, things like: “keeping two sets of books”, capital gains, accelerated depreciation, “padding expense accounts”, “setting up dummy corporations”, “how to file premature bankruptcy to shaft creditors”, “tax shelters”, etc.. You get the picture.

HINT #2: #2: Constantly remind the kid of all the financial and career sacrifices you’re making on his behalf. In other words, put” a Yuppie guilt trip” on him! Make the kid feel he “owes” you something in return. This way, when your re tired, the kid will feel obligated reimbursing you with some of his in come. It’s the only Yuppie way to “break even”. This may seem a little crass. But remember, kids always break your heart. They never appreciate all you did for them. They never do what you want them to do. Instead, they always do what’s best for themselves!

HINT #3: #3: Always push the chicks FROM!!!>>> the nest as soon as possible! The sooner they learn to fly on their own, the more you’ll save!

WARNING! If your kid telephones home “collect” crying because he or she was fired, asking to come home ”for a while” then it’s time to get alarmed’ They’re telling you they want to feed at your trough, once again, without paying the tab. Be sympathetic, but don’t be fooled. Make up some convincing excuse why they can’t come home. You know, like = “Your room in the basement was flooded during the last storm”, or “We discovered radon gas is leaking into our house FROM!!!>>> below the Earth”, or “Sorry, but we have no room. We had a fire and we’re remodeling.”. You get the picture. Don’t feel guilty about refusing the kid. Hey, who are we kidding? This is America! Everybody’s on their own. A Yuppie can’t care for “NUMBER ONE”, if he’s caring for everyone else! Besides, if you were old and broke, you don’t think your kid would take you in his home and support you? It would be the old nursing home, or a one room, impoverished dungeon in Miami Beach. Out of sight is out of mind! Enough said.

RULE #53: RULE # 53: The ingenious Yuppie always “CRIES POOR”! Never let anyone, especially. our spouse and children, know how much money you have; i.e.; your true financial picture!!! It’s simple. If people think you have money, they’ll start hounding you. They’ll expect you to “give” them some. On the other hand, if people think you’re “POOR”, they won’t want to be bothered with you’WARNING! Always hide your monthly bank statements!

HINT #1: #1: Ebenezer Scrooge had the right attitude, and should be your role model. That is, until he went “insane”, and “sold out” to the Do-Gooders. Remember ... The Christmas spirit is not for the mature Yuppie! It’s for losers, failures and idiots who want to “feel better” because they “screwed up” their lives. Never give Christmas gifts except to your “business associates” who will help you profit in the year to come. The smart Yuppie always knows “where his bread is buttered”. For, in the Yuppie household, people eat his butter. But, in business, his Yuppie “friends” the cr¨me de la cr¨me give him butter to consume.

RULE #54: RULE # 54: Never Forget Yuppie marriage is what you make it! work to your advantage! Make it

RULE #50?: RULE # 50 : A CARDINAL RULE : Never, but never, marry until the prenuptial agreement is signed, and notarized! Otherwise, your spouse can get their hands on your money, possessions and property earned before the marriage. You could lose everything you have!

HINT #1: #1= After marriage never mingle your funds with your spouse’s. Always keep separate bank accounts! Why? Because Yuppie “meaningful relationships” soon turn sour and bitter. When the divorce comes, your spouse, in a moment of venomous retribution, may withdraw all your accumulated wealth. Remember... How can you “HAVE IT ALL”, if you’re left holding the empty bag?

HINT #2: #2: Never get caught committing adultery! That makes you “the bad guy” in the divorce litigation. The court will punish you with massive alimony payments when your spouse starts sobbing as” the wounded party”. He who plays always!

YUPPIE RULES
HOW TO BE VICTORIOUS
IN CORPORATE,
PROFESSIONAL,
PERSONAL,
POLITICS!
AND OTHER CAREERS
LIFE IS WARFARE!

RULE #55:
RULE # 55 The victor is never the vanquished! For it is by “victimizing” others the Yuppie prevents the vanquishing of his career success!

RULE #56: RULE # 56: Appearances are everything! Always present a neat, clean, well groomed, fashionable company appearance! “Personal image” and” form” reign supreme in Yuppiedom Remember... Packaging and marketing are always more important than the product inside!

HINT #1: #1:A Yuppie must maintain high, personal sanitation. Body odor, especially bad breath, is “the stench of failure”! It destroys “personal image”, and can ruin career success. In this area, follow all TV commercial instructions to the letter.

HINT #2: #2: Always keep your hair length within company standards. Long hair is disastrous. Becoming known as “The Company Hippie” is career suicide. The Hippies went out of style in the’70s. These are the ‘80s “The Age Of The Yuppies”, not “The Age Of Aquarius”. Besides, in Yuppiedom, there’s no place for all that “peace love and brotherhood” nonsense. It’s the marketplace principles which count, not high-sounding, utopian ideals. The word “Utopia” is the Latin word for “Nowhere”. That’s where Yuppies end up, if they believe Hippie philosophy

HINT #3: #3: Be as pretty or handsome as you can. If necessary, use plastic surgery. For it’s life’s “pretty people” who get to play all the starring roles. Ugly people are just extras in life’s “B Movies”. Never forget the Hebrew sage’s words, “Vanity, vanity, all’s vanity!”.

HINT #4: #4: Always appear healthy, eager, energetic, even athletic! Never let company officials think you’re a potential “health risk”. No company ever promotes sick people. They “weed them out”! The last thing they want is someone “actually using” the medical benefits plan. Besides,” sickness” means” absenteeism”, and that costs the company “MONEY”! If they think you’re really “sick”, you’ll be absent forever because you won’t have a job! Keep any serious disease you might have a secret.

HINT #5: #5: Never get “FAT’” It’s bad for your company image, and makes you a potential health risk. Obesity leads to high blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes. Starve yourself, if necessary, but remain slim and trim “full of vig and vim”. Besides, you know what Yuppie society thinks regarding “fat people”.

HINT #6: # #6 Never, but never, smoke at work! Companies now consider smoking an “addictive behavior”. Who knows, they might schedule you for “drug testing”. Your career might become the victim of the .test’s high margin for error. Besides, Yuppie antismoker may soon start persecuting Yuppie smokers as a means of advancing their careers. Beware of how much coffee you drink at work. Caffeine consumption may soon be considered “addictive behavior” als

HINT #7: #7: Never be seen drinking alcohol by your fellow Yuppies. They’ pass rumors insinuating you’re “a drunk”. However, it’s all right to have a glass of wine at the Company Christmas Party. That’s expected. However, never yawn at work. They might think you’re hung over!

HINT #8: # #8:A handy rule of thumb is this. Always do what the company “expects”, or you will soon become “suspected” by company officials. Remember... The company operates for its benefit, not yours! Once they feel you’re of no further value to them, you’re finished.

RULE #57:
RULE # 57:
IMPORTANT:
Always be a good company “CORPOID”! A “corpoid” is a company servant who’s willing to do “anything” to advance his career. He is obedient to his superiors satisfying their every whim. A ”corpoid” is an accomplished Yuppie who unobtrusively informs his betters that his personal ethics will never interfere with the achievement of “corporate policy”. For the Yuppie with scruples never enters “Corporate Paradise”. He’s the guy who never gets his personalized key to” The Executives’ Washroom”!

HINT #1: #:Remember... A smart Yuppie never gets caught committing White Collar Crime. However, Ivan Boesky has proven, beyond any doubt, that white collar crime does pay. The secret is in the numbers. It’s been estimated Boesky earned between $300 and $500 million. He paid a fine of $100 million to the government, and got three years in a minimum security” prison”. With time off for good behavior, he could be paroled in one year. When he gets out, he’ll be worth between $200 and $400 million. Not a bad deal! It’s almost like the government paid him for turning state’s evidence. Never forget the Boesky/Yuppie axiom, “The more you steal, the less your sentence will bet”. For we have two justice systems in America: one for Yuppies, an done for everyone else. If you don’t believe it, watch what happens when some “lower income group” guy knocks over his local bank for a couple thou’. It’s 15 years maximum security with very little chance of parole. For, you see , “massive crime at the end of a pen” is not equal to” minimal crime at the point of a gun”. So, if you’re going to steal, steal big!

6:15 AM 12/31/03
RULE #58:
RULE # 58: Never, but never, be “DIFFERENT”! Always “conform” and “fit in” with the rest of the company’s Yuppies. Remember... The Elephant Man was different ... look how people treated him? In Yuppiedom, different people are treated differently; that is, “badly”! Enough said.

RULE #59:
RULE # 59 . Always be “PUNCTUAL”; especially at company meetings! For the early Yuppie bird gets the worm while the late Yuppie bird runs into snakes basking in the corporate sun!

RULE #60:
RULE # 60.
Always be “PREPARED”! The Yuppie who doesn’t do his homework ends up wearing the company dunce cap. If you don’t know what’s going on, then fake it. Smile, and agree with everything that is said. But, never ask any questions. That will only demonstrate your ignorance Yuppiedom, Ignorance is not bliss, it’s a one-way ticket to unhappiness the unemployment line.

HINT #1: #. Never show disinterest in anything your Yuppie superiors say no matter how stupid or incompetent I You need their support to climb up the corporate ladder of success. If you don’t pretend to admire them, they won’t admire you. Let them know you painstakingly researched all their “excellent” proposals and ideas. Always lavishly (or slavishly) compliment them after their presentations. For the praise you give today is the praise you’ll receive tomorrow.

RULE #61:
RULE # 61: Be eternally vigilant regarding your company statements and conversations! or what you say could come back to haunt you. Silence, not discretion, is the better part of valor. For silence, not words, is golden. It can avoid many hassles. . For, you see, by your Yuppie words you are acquitted, but also by your words you can be condemned! To put it another way, always speak vaguely and ambiguously. So, if your fellow Yuppies attack you later, you can defend yourself as being” misunderstood” because of their inherent lack of intelligence and competence. Get it? It’s not your fault that you’re a genius, and they’re so stupid.

HINT #1: : If someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, then drowned them in a sea of words and non sequiturs! They’ll become so bored with your nonsense, they’ll forget what they asked. Remember... Never answer questions which divulge your true position on important issues!

(See: Rule 37)10:33 AM 11/25/03

RULE #62:
RULE # 62 Never, but never, become a “COMPANY HERO”! Why? Because ”pioneers and heroes get all the arrows”! The guys cowardly hiding out behind the fortress walls always have a better chance of survival. Career. success is based on survival, not valor. Besides, everybody wants a title shot at the Champ. Company heroes are constantly under pressure to outperform their last accomplishment. They make the tragic mistake known as “The Yuppie Treadmill”. They have to keep walking faster just to keep up! For, you see, the mob loves its heroes, but immediately turns against them if they don’t constantly perform according to raised, higher expectations. In other words, today’s hero can quickly become tomorrow’s bum. If you don’t believe it, just ask a former sports hero. For, it’s Yuppie human nature to say, “Hey, it’s not what you did yesterday, but what’re ya’ gonna’ do for me today?”. As you can see, topping yesterday’s accomplishments is an impossible, losing game. It’s better to become just as incompetent as your fellow Yuppies until your” stab at power” comes. Remember... A moment of “corporate glory” does not guarantee Yuppie job security! Yes, the bright, falling meteorite’s breathtakingly beautiful. However, its soon burns itself out, and is “gone forever”!

RULE #63:
RULE # 63:
ON THE OTHER HAND, never become a company “WALLFLOWER”! Timid and shy people never succeed. Instead, make sure you’re “seen, known, respected and admired” by all the company elite. Be “noticed”, but never make “a spectacle” of yourself. The” soft sell” is always better than the “hard sell” in Yuppie self promotion technique. Pretend to have “an air of humility” about you. For no. one likes the arrogant, the cocky, the conceited. However, remember, the truly humble will never become the corporate exalted!

HINT #1: #1 At the Company Christmas Party, try to get a seat near the head table. This will give you the best opportunity to socialize with the company Greats. If you want to become a Yuppie Great, you must be seen with the Greats. Greatness has a way of rubbing off when one rubs shoulders with the Greats.

RULE #64:
RULE # 64:
The talented Yuppie strives to become a “CORPORATE MESSIAH”! A “corporate messiah” is a Yuppie who has convinced everyone he has innate leadership skills. He’s full of corporate wisdom constantly motivating and “inspiring” his fellow Yuppies. In short, he has that magical quality... chrismal Corporate messiahs don’t do much, except talk, but they’re the first to be kicked up stairs. Why? Because anyone who can influence others to produce “MORE”, at the same cost, is of great value to the company.

RULE #65:
RULE # 65:
VERY IMPORTANT: The accomplished Yuppie never admits he made a “COMPANY MISTAKE”! Never be the one left “taking the heat”! Always but always, find a way to blame mistakes on someone else!! Once you’ admit responsibility, they’ll punish the hell out of you. For the guy who makes the mistakes 1S the guy who’s fired. Remember? Richard Nixon admitted he made a mistake ... look what happened to him? Of course, he meant he made “the mistake of getting caught”. Nevertheless, a mistake is a mistake no matter the personal intent of the incompetent. For in Yuppiedom there is no forgiveness. If you want forgiveness, make a good confession of your sins in church. But, at work, never admit you made a mistake. That’s considered first degree murder to career advancement.

HINT #1: .#l: Never Forget... The Yuppie sharks are constantly circling in the water, smelling for blood, just waiting to move in for the kill. Who, in his right mind, would give them an opportunity to have a “feeding frenzy”? It’s all a matter of Yuppie self-preservation. The cunning Yuppie is never the victim, he’s the victor

HINT #2: #2: This next concept sounds a little indelicate, but it’s true. The only way to reach the pinnacle of corporate and professional success (i.e., “The Yuppie Mountain Top”) is on the corpses of one’s fellow Yuppies! This sounds cruel and uncaring, but that’s life in the harsh realities of Yuppiedom. Everything has a price which must be paid, even success! For it’s survival of the fittest. To the victor go the spoils! The Yuppie who doesn’t “go for the jugular” loses in cutthroat competition.

RULE #66:
RULE # 66:
If you’re caught “red-handed” making a mistake, always use the defenses of “PSYCHOLOGY AND MIND GAMES”! First, pretend to assume full responsibility for your actions. Then, sincerely but subtly, “MAKE EXCUSES”! Blame the whole thing on incompetent advice you received FROM!!!>>> Yuppies your boss hates. For it is by accusing others of incompetence, claiming innocence and involuntary ignorance, that one creates confusion shifting the blame to others. You know, like Ronald Reagan does all the time?

HINT #1: #1: Remember! The best defense is a good offense! Putting others on the defensive forces them, not you, “to defend their actions”. They become intimidated and overwhelmed because they fear losing their jobs. Better them than you!

HINT #2: # #2: If that doesn’t work, then abandon your dignity and self-respect. Throw yourself on your boss s mercy; beg his forgiveness, grovel at his feet, play on his sympathies and sense of compassion. Also subtly remind him that your mistake might make him look bad, too. After all, he’s the one who hired you. He could be considered vicariously responsible. Such subtle blackmail is the best way to gain his conspiratorial complicity in a “cover-up”. Remember...It’s not who “makes the mistake” which is important, but rather who’ she 19 “responsible” !

RULE #67:
RULE # 67:
A CARDINAL RULE:
The best way to avoid “MISTAKES AND CRITICISM” is to do “NOTHING”! Never, but never, propose an original idea assume major responsibility, or make an important decision!!! You mightbe “wrong” or make a “mistake”. Let your fellow Yuppies, the overly ambitious “Glory Boys”, take all the risks. When they fail, you might be the only one left to promote

HINT #1: #1: Remember...” Job security” is not accomplished by taking risks. Leave the risks to the entrepreneur types. Yuppies are businessmen, not “real capitalists”. The smart Yuppie learns to feed off “created wealth”, not actually assuming the risks of creating “new wealth”. Besides, why should you be the one clinging to a life preserver in heavy corporate seas? So, keep your head out of the clouds, your feet on the ground, and your body behind your desk in your office. If you do nothing, then nothing can be blamed on you!

RULE #68: RULE # 68: On the other hand, never be humble when there is a “CORPORATE SUCCESS”! Make sure you get your share of the credit, and thus “MORE”! For. the meek shall inherit: “career stagnation”, maybe demotion the menial tasks, and maybe the assembly line. “Lord, Have Mercy!”

RULE #69:
RULE # 69: Never take sides in a “COMPANY CONTROVERSY”! Always play both sides against the middle befriending each secretly! So , when one side wins, they’ll reward your loyalty. There is

HINT #1: # #1: If you’re forced to take sides, always support the prevailing, “majority” viewpoint! That is, to say, the obvious winners. No corporation or professional group ever fired a majority of its employees.

HINT #2: # #2: Never support an obvious loser even if he’s morally right and logically correct! You can’t spend ethics, righteousness and competence. For, it is who wins that counts, not who was right. Winning is the only line to take because it is the bottom line.

HINT #3: #3: Never try to be “a peacemaker” in a company dispute! Peacemakers get caught in the conflict’s crossfire. You could become” the common enemy”. Both sides will merely blame you for trying to be helpful. Instead, let the combatants fight it out “to the death”. Later, you can move in and steal the booty... if you know what I mean? Never Forget . Self-preservation is the best self promotion.power to be found in duplicity.

HINT #4: # And you preserve yourself by sacrificing others.

RULE #70:
RULE # 70:
IMPORTANT: If another Company Yuppie’s career is on the” DECLINE”, avoid him like “the plague”! To be seen in his presence, speaking with him, is the corporate “Kiss of Death”. Remember... Guilt by association is still guilt! The Guilty are soon prosecuted, convicted and punished.

HINT #1: # #1: When the ship’s sinking, the smart rats the first to “jump ship” finding another floating object which sustains preservation. Never, but never, let anyone take you down with them. Never hesitate to betray, deny and condemn a former “friend” wit conviction. For the Yuppie who does not “cut his losses” at someone else’s expense, soon becomes the loser.

HINT #2: #2: Never forget these paraphrased words of John Mitchell, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”... right out the door leaving the other guy to take the heat! To put it another way, always leave the’ other guy holding the bag. Sharp Yuppie wants to be the snake charmer, not the snake charmer’s assistant. You know, the guy who’s responsible for disposing of the( not) snakes in the bag. Think about it? Who went to jail in Watergate? Was it Nixon, or Haldeman and Erlichman?

RULE #71:
On the other hand, always cultivate the “friendship” of “RISING YUPPIE STARS”! You know, fellow corpoids who are escalating up the ladder of success. By hitching your wagon to theirs, you’ll be dragged progressively upwards. If you’re seen with winners, people will think you’re a winner, too. It’s all a matter of “common sense”. Besides, if you’re crafty enough, one day, you might be able to steal some of their limelight for yourself.

RULE #72:
RULE # 72:
WARNING: Always be cautious when picking your Corporate Yuppie “friends”! If some company employee starts talking about “protecting the public interest”, or “doing the right thing”, avoid him like” The Bubonic Plague”! He’s guarantied immediate career decline, and ultimate failure! One day soon, he’ll be taking his meals at the nearest soup kitchen, not The Plaza Hotel. Besides, he’s probably a liberal, an environmentalist, a unionist, or a“pinko”.

HINT #1: #1: Never Forget ...Anyone who’s not a conservative or a Republican is “suspect”! Joe McCarthy proved that in the ‘50s. Never be the guy who’s “patriotism is questioned”.

HINT #2: # #2: To protect your image, just to be safe, never register as a “DEMOCRAT”! Who knows when the next witch hunt will begin? Besides, being a “democrat” is corporate suicide! Yuppiedom not interested in rule by the man the people but rather the rule of the man .by the few. “The Few”! of course, meaning “The Yuppies”! One. more thing, never, under any circumstances, be heard speaking adoringly about Jane Fonda. That guaranties “corporate capital punishment” !

RULE #73:
THE DOCTRINE OF SELF-PRESERVATION:
WARNING!
If another Yuppie “dares” to disagree with your opinions at a company meeting, smile... pretend to tolerate his viewpoint ... then make immediate, secret plans to destroy him. For, he or she is “the enemy”! An “enemy” is anyone who makes a Yuppie “look bad”, or stands in the way his “SUCCESS”! A Yuppie “friend” does not publicly challenge your opinions. Furthermore, if a Yuppie is not your “friend”, you must automatically assume he’s your” enemy” . There’s no middle of the road in Yuppiedom. They’re either for ya’ ,or against ya’!

HINT #1: #1: If a group of Company Yuppies opposes you, the best strategy is” to divide them, and thereby conquer them”! Remember... People will do unspeakable evil in a group they would never do individually. But how does one “divide” them? Basically, by turning them against one another through any “pragmatic” means at hand! Once they’re alienated FROM!!!>>> one another, their sense of “common purpose” is destroyed. Their spirit of joint ventured success, at your expense, vanishes making them no longer a threat. Then, they are at your mercy. Later, you can destroy them one by one at the appropriate time. For house divided can not long stand and endure! Since they chose to “hang around” in unison against you, they deserve to “hang separately”! This may sound a little evil, but we’re talkin’ career survival, preservation and success, here. YUPPIEISM is no philosophy for the fainthearted, the squeamish, the indecisive, or the Do-Gooders. ( Self-preservation is best accomplished by destroying one’s Yuppie enemies!)

RULE #74:
HOW TO EXTERMINATE A YUPPIE ENEMY:
Never, but never, hesitate to use “malicious character assassination”, unfounded rumors, and vicious gossip to eradicate a Yuppie enemy! Preferably of a sexual nature. For ridicule is the best method of destroying an enemy’s reputation. Once people are laughing and snickering behind a Yuppie’s back, they’ll never take him seriously again. He’s history no longer a serious threat

HINT #1: #1: Never attack a Yuppie enemy with a frontal assault! That will only create “sympathy” among his” friends”. Remember what happened to Jerry Falwell when he tried to steal PTL FROM!!!>>> Jim Bakker with overt, personalized attacks??? They both lost! Instead, always use covert” guerrilla tactics”! Subtly bide your time... then, stab your enemy in the back when he least expects it, or is not looking. Start by mildly Criticizing his “minor” faults, failings and weaknesses. Infer your criticism is “well intentioned” , sincere concern for the company’s future, and your enemy’s career success. In other words, you’re not being malicious, you’re doing it” for his own good”. That’ll get the ball rolling the rumor mill turning.

HINT #2: # #2: Next, quietly start passing “filthy information” regarding the enemy’s “PERSONAL LIFE”. Swearing your coworkers to “confidentiality” guaranties the gossip will leak out immediately! Rumormongers love “confidential information”.

HINT #3: #3: Annihilate your Yuppie enemy’s financial stability and security That’ll really ravage him. For there is nothing a Yuppie hates more than losing his or her money. Accomplish this any way possible. Here’s one suggestion. Phone in $300,000.00 of contribution pledges to the TV evangelist... all in your enemy’s name! Lucky him! For, if a Yuppie is being sued by others he’ll have less time and stamina “to do war” with you.

NOTE: Yes, all this might sound a little devious the product of a warped mentality but. who ever said Yuppie life, warfare and politics was fair? Besides, it's a Yuppie axiom, if you don’t exterminate your Yuppie enemies, they’ll exterminate you!!! Enough said.

RULE #75:
RULE # 75: : “Always be gracious victory over a Yuppie enemy! For an enemy once burned will be twice shy”. He’ll think twice before opposing you again. Nevertheless, no one likes being a loser. Once an enemy ways an enemy You don’t think the Japanese and Germans have lovingly forgotten ;their defeat after; World War II

HINT #1: #1:. There is a great PR advantage or the victorious Yuppie who’s reputed as “a forgiver of his enemies”. People love people who love their enemy. People love forgivers with “a soft spot”, and “a heart of gold”. However, people do not love vicious retribution. So, do not hesitate, publicly forgive your Yuppie enemy. Besides, you can always “get him” later when his guard is down. Now, for the “real Yuppie truths” ...

HINT #2: # #2: The prudent Yuppie never forgives those who hate him! There has never been a defeated Yuppie who has been a good loser. A Yuppie enemy will always try to get his revenge later. But, how does one prevent this?

HINT #3: # #3: Always, but always, “kick your enemy when he’s down for the count”! In other words, you must destroy him when he’s most vulnerable! If he has the opportunity to stand up and recuperate, he’ll soon be kicking you in revenge. Sympathy and compassion in Yuppiedom breeds hostility and job term nation. Hey, we’re talkin” ’war” here, not the etiquette at the Ladies’ Ice Cream Social.

HINT #4: #4: Show no mercy! For, the Yuppie who shows no mercy never has to ask for mercy! Treat your enemy the way you know he’d treat you... if he had the chance. Remember... It is the angry, unforgiving, and ruthless rogue elephant who’s always victorious not “the little mouse that roared”! A Yuppie who fears trampling on others will, one day, be trampled upon. You don’t think ancient Yuppies like Julius Caesar, Alexander The Great, and Genghis Khan conquered the world by being “nice guys”, do you??? How much gold did Montezuma have after Cortez conquered the Aztecs? The Laws Of YUPPIEISM are historical fact. One either plays by them, or one loses!

RULE #76:
RULE # 76:: Always make sure your fellow Yuppies know you got your “REVENGE”! For Yuppies only fear those who are like them. They’ll never challenge you, once they know you “give no quarter” “take no prisoners”. The Yuppie who does not retaliate through revenge soon becomes the victim of other Yuppies. For weakness and “the lack of vindictiveness” demonstrates “vulnerability” which only breeds another Yuppie’s contempt. In Yuppiedom, compassion is considered “unmanly”! It’s not macho! A male or female Yuppie without machismo is considered a wimp. And, wimps never get to be “Top Dog”.

HINT #1: #1: Forget everything you learned in Sunday school! A Yuppie must deal with the brutal realities of the success game. Life is “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth”. If you don’t punish your enemy, you’ll end up blindsided and toothless. Why do you think the Mafia invented the concept of the vendetta? Because a Yuppie who does not get his revenge is “without honor”! The world belongs to the ruthless, not the toothless To put it another way, he who is not callous will be victimized by the callous.

RULE #77THE SECRET TO EVENTUAL SUCCESS AND POWERSucking-up and kissing-A.. of the powerful. It all begins with your “BOSS”! The Yuppie who does what his boss does will, one day, become the boss. First, however, it is imperative a Yuppie gets his boss" on his side”. For, the Yuppie whose boss does not” sing his praises” never achieves SUCCESS AND POWER!! In other words, if the boss doesn’t like ya ’, the Board of Directors won’t either!HINT #1: #1 Always stroke you boss’s ! Never miss a chance to be a sycophant: agree with his opinions in all things ... flatter and compliment him until it turns your stomach ... constantly remind him of his great intelligence ... laugh hysterically at all his jokes (no matter how stupid) ... tell. him he’s your mentor and guru, etc. I Like the people he likes, and hate the people he hates! In other words, be like. him in every way possible. You get the picture.HINT #2: #2: Always ingratiate yourself with the boss’s wife! If you can’t, you .better, start looking for a new job. For, Hell hath no fury like a Yuppie boss s wife who hates his underling! He might rule the office, but a Yuppie wife who’s worth her salt rules his life ever miss a chance to compliment her beauty; especially her clothing and hair style. Oh, yes, always remember the birthday cards and the. Christmas presents. They’ll say, “Oh, you shouldn’t have ...”, but It's expected for all the boss is doing for your career.RULE #78: RULE # 78: HOW TO STEAL POWER FOR YOURSELF: First, never let people know you desire” POWER”! Make them believe “you just want to do your job”. In other words, you’re so busy with “business” you don’t have time for company “politics”. This will buy you time to prepare for the most opportune moment your “power grab”HINT #1: #1 :Never show your cards until you have the winning hand. For example, at the annual stockholders’ meeting, never lead or participate in a corporate rebellion or takeover. That is, unless you’re positive you have the votes and proxies to “WIN”! For everybody hates a revolutionary who loses. However , if you have the votes, don’t hesitate. He who hesitates is lost. Strike while the iron’s hot. Let nothing stand in your way. If necessary, be brutal. Because no one relinquishes power happily. In the end, it has to be taken FROM!!!>>> them. Never Forget... “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”; except in your case, of course.HINT #2: #2 Never get sentimental during or after power grab! Don’t let your old bosses and Yuppie “friends” talk you out of it. Destroy anyone who stands in your way! Everybody’s expendable! Besides, the Yuppie success struggle is difficult enough. You can’t afford to carry “dead weight” up the mountain top. Everyone who’s no longer of pragmatic value must” go”!HINT #3: #3: Never Forget.” Many Yuppies are called, but few are chosen! The path to corporate and professional success is wide, but the door to the Board Room is narrow; and few there are who are seated within!!! On the other hand, the path to downward mobility: demotion, early retirement, and unemployment is even wider. The road is strewn with the bodies of former, noN- aggressive YuppieHINT #4: #4: Remember... The corporate and professional harvest is plentiful, but few there are who reap “THE BIG PROFITS”! Why should you be the Yuppie getting the crumbs, while the “Big Boys” carve up the pie for themselves? “POWER” is “THE PIE”! Take the pie for yourself, and leave them the crumbs! For the Yuppie with the power always feeds first, and devours not “MORE” but “THE MOST”! Thus is the essence of “GREED”! To the Yuppie, “Greed is good!”.RULE #79: RULE # 79: Once you “grab” power, never forget this maxim, “YOU EITHER USE IT (POWER), OR YOU LOSE IT!”! Never hesitate to intimidate your lesser! For it is by “meanness and fear” that the powerful Yuppie maintains his “power”. Remember .. The company’s just packed with ambitious Yuppies like you. They can’t wait for their “shot” at you: to topple you FROM!!!>>> “the mountain top of success”, to “steal your job”, to “grab power for themselves”. Always maintain a high state of “paranoia”! Trust no one! Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing! For, not everyone who smiles at you is your “friend”. Besides, the disheartening truth is, the man on top has no “friends”! Remember... The problem with “being on top” is that the only place left to go is “damn”! Think about it? “Down” means “losing your job, power and success”. If there’s no job, there’s no money. If there’s no money, there’s no power and status: no BMW and Mercedes SL, no company limo, no house in the country, no exclusive country club memberships, no “The Good Life”! Worse yet, if you get fired, you might have to get “a real job” that is; actually “work” like the masses do. Saints Preserve Us! So, always maintain “power” at any cost by any meansHINT #1: #1: Be especially wary of Yuppies with Harvard and Yale MBA degrees! To them, MBA does not mean “Master In Business Administration:’, but rather “Mean Business Advocate”! They’re the most dangerous Yuppies of all. . .Because they’re probably the kids of the “old money rich families 1n America. They’ve been playing and winning the yuppie’s game for hundreds of years. If you’re not careful they’ll. forewarned is forearmed..’RULE #80: RULE # 80: IMPORTANT: If you become “insecure”, indecisive, and plagued with doubt, do not worry, there is a solution. Follow this one simple rule, and you’ll never fail in Yuppiedom. Ask yourself, “What would Richard Nixon, Nero, Judas, J.R. Ewing, Alexis Carrington, or Adolph Hitler do under these circumstances?”. Then, without hesitation, “do it”! Without question, this guaranties future Yuppie success and power.RULE #81: RULE # 81: MOST IMPORTANT: Never forget the essence of Yuppie philosophy!” It ‘s every man for himself! It’s a jungle out there! It’s a dog-eat-dog world, a rat race, and I want to be King Rat, not the Underdog ! “THE ULTIMATE YUPPIE WARNING: He who is not the predator soon becomes the prey! For, it is Yuppie “self-preservation, self-seeking, and self-interest” which is “The Highest Good”!

SOME RULES FOR YUPPIE PATRIOTS
WAR
means
you have something more important to do with your life.

Like Dick Cheney...
AND
THOSE
NEO-CONSERVATIVES
Let someone else die,
You have to plan the next war!
If you die,
think,
who will plan the next war!

RULE #82: Always pretend to be “SUPER PATRIOTIC”! How? Cry during the national anthem. Energetically wave the flag during parades. Enthusiastically declare, at the top of your lungs, “America is NUMBER ONE!”. However, never “Buy American”. Instead, buy Japanese and European products. The quality’s about the same, but the latter have more Yuppie” status value”HINT #1: # #1: Never miss a chance to “wrap yourself in the flag”. Oliver North proved one could lie, cheat and do wrong with impunity. That is, if one wears an uniform claiming the wrong was done for love of country.HINT #2: #2: Always tell people how much you “love” America. However, pay your taxes begrudgingly. That is, of course, after you’ve taken advantage of your tax shelter. Besides, let’s face it, taxes are for the middleclass and masses. They’re the backbone of America, not you the upwardly mobile young professional. It’s their fault for not changing to become college graduates. Remember how the middleclass types “fooled around” in high school calling you “an egghead”,” a bookworm”, “a geek”, “a nerd” while you dedicated yourself to your studies? Now, who’s having the last laugh? Who’s paying the taxes?HINT #3: ##3: Always take all your business deductions. Write off as much of your personal lifestyle as you legally can. For, it is a given, the more taxes a Yuppie pays, the less he has to spend on himself!!!RULE #83: RULE # 83: Always extol the virtues of “FREE ENTERPRISE”! Why? Because it is free enterprise which has made America great, not the Constitution or the freedoms listed in the Bill of Rights. For it is “economics" money), not liberty, which makes our country strong. It is “economics” which pays for all those nuclear weapons which protect us. “Freedom” only gives us the opportunity to “press the nuclear buttons”.HINT #1: #1:Never trust peace marches, diplomatic negotiations and summits. It bombs that kill “the enemy”, not words!HINT #2: #2: Always advocate the” Blessings of Free Enterprise” as the p’1 answer to all the world’s problems. Of course, never hesitate to help your company destroy its competitors thereby monopolizing its market. For Free Enterprise means enterprise which is free for some but not for all. In other words, a competitor should not be given the freedom to steal your market shareHINT #3: #3: Never question the methodologies of Capitalism, no matter how cruel the outcome! If U.S. plants shut down moving their operations overseas, never publicly express your concern. It’s not your fault thousands of American workers lost their jobs. It’s only the operation of the free enterprise system culling out the unproductive and inefficient. Besides it’s all Labor’s fault for demanding an exorbitant wage for high school’ graduates.HINT #4: ##4: Never support government regulation of the private sector; unless, of course, it gives your company a competitive advantage in the marketplace. If you support “government regulation to protect the public interest”, you’re a dead Yuppie! Your colleagues will think you’re a socialist, a Commie, or worse yet, a Democrat! Why ask for trouble?HINT #5: #5: IMPORTANT: Always place the interests of your company before the interests of America!!! After all, the business of America is “BUSINESS”. What’s good for “BUSINESS” is good for America. Besides, let’s be honest, America’s on the decline. The signs are all-round us. The handwriting is on the wall. Remember... One day, America will pass away, however, The Multinational Corporate States Of The World will live on forever more! It’s the Yuppie/CORPOID who shall inherit the Earth, not the patriots! The farsighted Yuppie knows it’s time to make “friends” with the Japanese, Germans and Arabs. They’ll be taking over soon. Forewarned is forearmed!HINT #6: #6: Never believe all that democracy “junk” the politicians are selling to the public It’s a myth a fiction. “Government of the people, by the people, for the people” does not exist. Public elected office, and the candidates, goes to the highest Yuppie bidders through campaign contributions. Remember... The only worthwhile politician is the one who’s bought, and” stays bought”! For, today, democracy means, “Government of the people, by the politicians, for the Special Interests”! And, who are the Special Interests? The Yuppies!!! Do yourself a favor. Forget everything you learned in civics class!RULE #84: : Always remember the “YUPPIE POLITICAL MOTTO”, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can take FROM!!!>>> your country!” .And do unto to them, before they do unto you!RULE #85: RULE # 85: VERY IMPORTANT: One knows he has achieved “YUPPIE SUCCESS” when he can utter these words with conviction, “I HAVE IT ALL! I’ve got mine, and the hell with everyone else!”, or “Yeah, it’s all the fault of the poor, needy and the middleclass. You know, all those kids on Welfare, the old people on Social Security, the homeless, and everyone else looking for a handout. They’re sucking us dry! They’re ruining America, damn it! Everybody knows they’re poor because they’re too lazy to work. Besides, they like being poor, or they wouldn’t be poor. I had to work for all I got, why shouldn’t they?”.

A FINAL CARDINAL RULERULE #86: WARNING! “THE ‘BAD YUPPIE” is the “FAILURE” who gets” taken advantage of” by other Yuppies!!! For, “THE GOOD YUPPIE” always “SUCCEEDS” because, in all life situations, he asks the ultimate Yuppie question, ”Hey, what am ‘I’ going to get out of this thing?”, or “Hey, wait a minute here, what’s in it for ‘ME’?”! If you don’t look out for “NUMBER ONE”, who will?

IN CONCLUSION
THE FINAL RULE:
FOR THE SUPREME YUPPIE
THERE ARE NO RULES!!!

THE GUY
WHO MAKES THE RULES.
RULES!!!
and the
GUY WITH THE MONEY
MAKES THE RULES!

You make your own rules! If you follow all the above rules and If you put all these attitudes and philosophies into daily practice... you are guarantied “YUPPIE CAREER SUCCESS”!!! Think about it? You can retire at 49 or less) to a life of luxury while the masses struggle for bare existence. Every night, you’ll be dining on steak, lobster and sushi in some earthly paradise while the masses consume hamburger, gruel and spaghetti in the suburbs and slums. Yes, there’s something to be said about “INJUSTICE”, if you happen to be on the winning side???

A PERSONAL REFLECTION:


I wish I had the “guts” to become a Yuppie. I guess you gotta’ be born with it. You either got it, or you don’t. Too bad for me. I guess I’m afraid of losing my soul. Maybe there is a God? Nevertheless, may you have “CHAMPAGNE WISHES AND CAVIAR DREAMS!” in yourself up ladder of “SUCCESS”. Oh, I almost forgot... After you read this could you send me a couple of bucks? Things have been rough lately I’m’ down on my luck. Thanks in advance!. When in doubt simply do what RICHARD NIXON would do and all will be fine. And remember the Irish ain't stupid, their national color is green just like money.55:32 PM | StephenJames StephenJames] [3/8/2002 10:52:31 AM